Gourmet English: Read this:Jack Reacher caught the last of the su...

Gourmet English: Read this: Jack Reacher caught the last of the su...: Read this: Jack Reacher caught the last of the summer sun in a small town on the coast of Maine, and then, like the birds in the sky ab...

Read this:

Jack Reacher caught the last of the summer sun in a small town on the coast of Maine, and then, like the birds in the sky above him, he began his long migration south. But not, he thought, straight down the coast. Not like the orioles and the buntings and the phoebes and the warblers and the ruby throated humming birds. Instead he decided on a diagonal route, south and west, from the top right hand corner of the country to the bottom left...

Those are the opening words of PastTense by Lee Child. Count the number of words with three syllables! I count just three apart from the birds, which, of course, are listed.
Here is Charles Dickens in a Tale of Two Cities a couple of hundred years ago when life moved more slowly than it does today:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way--in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.There were a king with a large jaw and a queen with a plain face, on the throne of England; there were a king with a large jaw and a queen with a fair face, on the throne of France. In both countries it was clearer than crystal to the lords of the State preserves of loaves and fishes, that things in general were settled for ever.

I have yellowed the three syllable words. In those days, most of his readers would have had a classical education and they would have expected that. But it is so simple! Here is the master of American/English storytelling in a Farewell to Arms, Ernest Hemingway:

In the late summer of that year we lived in a house in a village that looked across the river and the plain to the mountains. In the bed of the river there were pebbles and boulders, dry and white in the sun, and the water was clear and swiftly moving and blue in the channels. Troops went by the house and down the road and the dust they raised powdered the leaves of the trees. The trunks of the trees too were dusty and leaves fell early that year and we saw the troops marching along the road and the dust rising and leaves, stirred by the breeze, falling and the soldiers marching and afterward the road bare and white except for the leaves.

Just one!

And today's lesson is?          KISS.             Keep it simple, Stupid!

Gourmet English: Words.Mrs May also called for national unity, even...

Gourmet English: Words.Mrs May also called for national unity, even...: Words. Mrs May also called for national unity, even though her plans will upset Remain voters who want to stay in the single market at ...

Words.

Mrs May also called for national unity, even though her plans will upset Remain voters who want to stay in the single market at all costs.
She said the referendum result must be respected, adding: “The victors have the responsibility to act magnanimously.
"The losers have the responsibility to respect the legitimacy of the result. And the country comes together.” 

Sounds good, doesn't it.
Problem: what does it mean? 
Look how many words there are with three syllables. They roll out like great articulated lorries, meaning little or nothing. National unity...Single Market. Referendum result… respected… The victors have the responsibility to act magnanimously… Responsibility to respect the legitimacy of the result.
Reading this is like being in the slow lane of the motorway.
And it really does not tug the heart.

Here is Winston Churchill:

I say to the House as I said to ministers who have joined this government, I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat. We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many months of struggle and suffering.

You ask, what is our policy? I say it is to wage war by land, sea, and air. War with all our might and with all the strength God has given us, and to wage war against a monstrous tyranny never surpassed in the dark and lamentable catalogue of human crime. That is our policy.

Not many three syllable words there until you get to the climax, when he deliberately turns majestic: "a monstrous tyranny never surpassed in the dark and lamentable catalogue of human crime."
Inspirational!

So what am I trying to say? 

Keep it simple, stupid!.

In sales, you learn this the hard way. The trainer gives you a handful of sharp pencils and asks you to press all the points into the palm of your hand as hard as you can.
You feel nothing.
The trainer then asks you to take just one sharp pencil and press the point into the palm.
I can tell you: you feel that!

Words matter!

A true story?

My father in law's favourite RAF story was this:
The Archbishop of Canterbury flew in to New York. As he got off the plane he was surrounded with a mass of cameras and microphones.
All the journalists were screaming at him. Then one very loud voice dominated the rest:
"Will you be visiting any night clubs while you are over here?"
The Archbishop thought.
Then he made his innocent reply:
"Are there any night clubs in New York?"

Next day's headline:

ARE THERE ANY NiGHT CLUBS IN NEW YORK? DEMANDS ARCHBISHOP.

Yet another

Old men especially are particularly prone to this kind of thing.
The part time DJ thought it was a hilarious thing to do to lampoon the presentation of Megan Marcle's baby as a performing chimp with his two handlers.
He did not know that this was now racist.
That cost him his job.

Advice to Twitter Users:

Don't.

Moral:

Always think who you are writing for.

You get all the very best teachers in the world on here!

Dionysius lived at the time of Julius Caesar. We have no idea what he looked like. He lived in Rome and wrote in Greek. But his simple ideas live on in our own language: English - even today.

Words.

Every language is made up of words.
Can you remember way back when you were learning to speak and making up words for yourself? Terribubble. Neolopitan ice cream.

People love doing that today too. It makes them look important.

So in Brexit we have “the Backstop”. We enjoy “the Divorce Settlement”. Then there is “the Norway Option” maybe with a couple of ++ added.
Babies just blow bubbles: we adults blow words.
Perhaps you know someone who cannot read very well? That is dyslexia. Or someone who can't control themselves? That is ADHD. Or perhaps someone who is not very good with other people? Easy – Autistic.
It doesn't really help but it makes everyone feel special.
Unpleasant things – alcoholism, dustbins, stressing racial differences – things which make us feel uncomfortable change their names regularly. The old words become swear words only used in anger while the new shiny words have to be used – or else.
Gay is just such a word. BME another. Transgender another.
I leave you, gentle reader, to work out the older words which now can get you the sack in an instant.

Yes. Words used wrongly can cost your job.

Kristie Higgs questioned teaching sex to five year olds. She had been a teaching assistant for some seven years. She wrote about it online and included the word “Christian”.
After waiting for disciplinary hearings for some months, she was dismissed for “gross misconduct” and “bringing the school into disrepute”. One of the Governors used the words “far right” which the Chairman interpreted as “something that was pro-Nazi.”
And so on…
Mail 21st April 2019



Words matter a lot today: be careful with them!

What I am trying to do.

Lots of English courses out there. Lots of people telling you on Pinterest how to get that novel published. Lots of people offering to write your essays for you.

So what is the unique selling point here?

I am offering a free course in how to spice up your English writing. This will help in comments on blogs, on writing blogs, on writing your essays, on giving that dreaded speech…

It will also help in all those interminable arguments about Global Warming climate change, Brexit/People's Vote, and whether or not Peterborough United (aka the Posh) are going to win the Champions' League ever.

All the humanities will lie open to your precision, your skill, your delight - English, History, Leisure, Psychology, Drama, Media Studies, Business Studies (very badly needed here).

This course will, if you follow it carefully, give you some new tools for your workshop and make you into a craftsman, a wordsmith.

Me? I am just an ordinary teacher. And that is why you will also be introduced to some of the greatest speakers who have ever lived, the greatest orators, the greatest writers. Yes, they come from way back, but language is permanent and the skills are the same as ever they were.

That is why they are forever remembered. That is why they are great.

You can be that great too.

(The picture is of Tony Abbott, a convincing public speaker and Rhodes Scholar, who became Australian PM.)

Gourmet English?

For whom exactly?

(Note "whom".)

If you like a cogent comment…
If you like to make that essay ripple…
So if you like to give your reader
goosebumps…

Enjoy the blog!
And the blog will enjoy having you.