History is bunk.

Good old Henry Ford! Pithy old Henry Ford!

“You can have any colour so long as it is black.”

Honestly! That is how, a hundred years ago, he sold the Model T – the first car that ordinary Americans could afford. Today, now look! Cars everywhere.

History is actually a very useful tool.

We look back and see things in perspective.

And even when you want to talk about the future, it is clever to mention the past.

Mr Juncker, a veteran politician in his last State of the Union Speech to the EU:

Mr President,
Honourable Members of the European Parliament,
At times, history moves forward only haltingly but it is always quick to pass us by.
Such is the fate of a Commission with just a five year mandate to make a real difference.
This Commission is merely a chapter, a brief moment in the long history of the European Union.
But the time has not yet come to pass judgement on the Commission I have the honour of presiding over.
This is why I will not today present you with an overview of the last four years' achievements. (My italics.)Instead, I say to you that our efforts will continue unabated. We will keep working to render this imperfect Union that little bit more perfect with each passing day.

Guess what? A historical lesson followed those words:

History can also show up, unannounced, in the life of nations and be slow to leave.
Such was the fate of Europe's nations during the Great War starting in 1914. A war which took the sunny, optimistic and peaceful continent of the time by surprise.
In 1913, Europeans expected to live a lasting peace. And yet, just a year later, a brutal war broke out amongst brothers, engulfing the continent.
I speak of these times not because I believe we are on the brink of another catastrophe. But because Europe is the guardian of peace. We should be thankful we live on a peaceful continent, made possible by the European Union. So let us show the European Union a bit more respect. Let us stop dragging its name through the mud and start defending our communal way of life more.

History makes everyone stand tall. 

We in Britain look back to a time when we ruled the world. We no longer do so. But that does not mean that we should not hold up our heritage for all to see. And be very proud.

Chalk and cheese?

Does my bum look big in this? Good question. The man who was hammered to death by his wife called her “thunder thighs”. So her anger is understandable if not justified.
But does my bum look big in this is a good question because it leads to: “Does my bum look big in this compared with...?” Remember Jennifer Lopez? Remember Princess Di? Compared with what or – who?

Comparing things describes them.

Let's take this a tep further on. If we take things that have nothing to do with each other and compare them, we can arouse people's interest.

• Climate Change and LGBT rights?
  
• Tony Blair and Mrs May?
  
• Boris Johnson and Winston Churchill?
  
• Donald Trump and President Truman?
  

This is a simple trick, but if you are stuck for an argument, it points up the differences very clearly indeed and people sit up and listen.
When Laura Kuenessberg asked Boris Johnson a question as he launched his bid for leadership, she listed a tirade of questions about his unreliability, his untrustworthiness and his slovenly attitude to detail. 
His reply? He likened her attack to minestrone soup! “Let us just take one crouton”, he said.
Immediately the attack was defused.

Comedians do this trick every time.

• The Dead parrot sketch – compare a dead parrot with a living one.
  
• 
  Charlie Chaplain dressed like a very smart man with a cane, smart moustache and bowler hat. Except that his shoes didn't fit.
  
• 
  Jo Brand saying the most outrageous things in a cut glass accent.
  

I hand you this trick to use at your discretion. Works every time. You can be the cat in a world of mice.

Anyone for an Essay?: If only we had...

Anyone for an Essay?: If only we had…:

If only we had...

When attacking a point of view, it often helps to ask this question: where did we go wrong?

Today (June 2019) it is often asked in political debate:

• If only we had not had a referendum...
• If only we had voted to Remain...
• If only Mrs May had let us leave the EU in March...

If only...

This is one of the easiest forms of argument and it is often used.Which is why it is so common.

• If only Mr Cameron had not resigned...
• If only I had bothered more with my family and less with my job...
• If only I had spotted the lump earlier...

Regrets...

The problem is that there really is no answer to it. It is, after all, no use crying over spilt milk. Also it is depressing.

Unless -

You are truly sorry and are determined to do better.

I have a friend who was an alcoholic. Slowly, it grew worse and he turned more and more to drink as his life declined. If only he had stopped then! Then he lost his job. So he drank more. If only he hadn't lost it! Then his wife moved out. If only she had stayed! Then he began having black outs. If only he hadn't started drinking!

Eventually, like the Prodigal Son, he reaslied what a fool he had been.

He got up out of the gutter one day and went to AA. There he learned what true repentance was. As they all sat round in a circle admitting they were alcoholics, admitting what a mess they personally had created of their lives, sanity slowly returned and, with it, a determination never to touch the bloody stuff ever again.

Today this man holds down a very responsible job, he is sadder and wiser – and more wrinkled. And he knows who his friends really are.

If only we could...

So “If only we had...” holds real possibilities – so long as we are looking forward, not backwards.

Anyone for an Essay?: The blame game.

Anyone for an Essay?: The blame game.:

The blame game.

We have already covered post hoc propter hoc. But this is not the same point.

For something to happen – anything – there must be a cause.

But if nothing has happened, then there needn't be a cause.

This will become clearer with a few examples – maybe!

When there is a traffic accident, to prevent rubber necking, the Police say in a tired voice, “Nothing to see here.” And if there is nothing to see, there is nobody to blame, because there can be no cause for the accident that didn't happen.

Climate change.

The climate change demonstrators in London assumed that there was a catastrophe just round the corner, unless human beings decided to do what the demonstrators assumed was the right thing. Because they assumed the catastrophe was real, they had the right – no, the duty – to make sure they were listened to.

Anyone who doubted them – even the President of the USA – therefore had to be wrong and so it became very dangerous to question their determination. A large plastic image was floated over London in protest.

But what if there really is no danger? Then there can be no blame.

And that means things are turned inside out. If climate change – global warming – climate extinction – is not true, then there can be no blame.

And this has direct consequences:

• Congress should end electric car subsidies. 
• When the wind changes, the turbines do not provide electricity, so there are (avoidable) power cuts in California. 
• Politics are affected when Congress in USA refuses to debate Climate Change.
• And President Trump gets off scott free!

A second example, which is rather unpleasant.

There is said, by Margaret Hodge, and several other people too, that there is anti-Semitism in the Labour Party. If they are right, then it is sensible to blame Mr Corbyn who leads the party. And it is also sensible to look into the number of Muslims who support the Labour Party too. Most Muslims, of course, support the Palestinians in their timeless struggle with the Jews, dating right back to Biblical times.
And that means hating the people who took the land from them in the first place - the Jews.

But if there really is no anti Semitism in the Labour party, there can be no blame. So, when Baroness Chakrabati investigated and announced publicly that there was no anti-Semitism, everyone in the Labour Party got off the hook.

No shame = no blame.

Finally, Brexit.

There are all sorts of troubles here. The Withdrawal Agreement has never got through parliament. Parliament will not tolerate a clean break either. Mrs May who has been sacked as PM. There are many very angry people. So who is to blame?

Well, let's make the problem go away! We can stay in the EU!

Of course we have to pretend that we “are going back to the people” with a second referendum. But if the whole Brexit thing is called off, peace will return.
Jeremy Corbyn concentrates on other things: for him, Brexit is not important.

So there will be no ill feeling and everyone will be happy.

Blame! Shame!

Cause, of course, in journalese, means “blame”.

But if we expose the event that either hasn't happened or that does not exist, then there can be no cause, can there?

And no blame either.

Anyone for an Essay?: Hypocrisy.

Anyone for an Essay?: Hypocrisy.:

Hypocrisy.

“Do as I say not as I do.”
The very Great Actress and Diva, EmmaThompson arrived to speak at the Climate Change Rally in London. She spoke very movingly anout Climate Extinction and fossil fuels and how the planet was doomed unless we all acted immediately.
Then she got on a plane and flew back home burning tons of said fuel.
Oh dear. We are all at it aren't we! Nobody likes to get found out.
Mr Gove has just come out as a man who roundly condemned the use of hard drugs and who wrote that teachers who did it ought to be sacked. Meanwhile he was attending parties where lines were being drawn...

Breaking news... Cocaine has issued a statement saying that it ‘deeply regrets’ ever having associated with Michael Gove, and pleading with ordinary people not to hold this against it. They met briefly at a party 20 years ago, where Mr Gove was getting up everybody’s noses. Meanwhile, secretary Mr Coke has stepped up his war against plastic straws, saying "a rolled up £20 note is reusable and biodegrades even faster than my career."Impartial journalist Sarah Vine has said “Our next Prime Minister must be able to cut it at the highest level and know where to draw the line before he takes over the reins of powder, I mean power.”In other news, Dominic Reef’s admission that he smoked cannabis has gone down well with grass roots Conservatives.

Mr Boris Johnson has been off with a woman who was not his wife...

Mr Corbyn, that pillar of the Enlightened Socialists, has been married several times and although he wouldn't break bread with the Queen and President Trump, he did attend several dodgy gatherings in the Middle East and Northern Ireland. He, of course, denies the whole thing.
Emily Thornberry that working class hero, laughed at the stupid man who flew a St George's flag on his house. She is, of course, known in legal circles as Lady Nugee.
I could go on...
Exposure. It is what we are all afraid of. So politicians and Celebrities jump before they are pushed and they admit their little faults to avoid disclosure...

If we can expose hypocrisy (see the article on ad hominem), that is one way of winning an argument.

Actually the usual suspects are not often the best targets. (See politicians above.)
Attacking people who seem whiter than white is always a good thing to do.

Jeremy Corbyn has a special face for disapproval every time the Mail outs him.
Spiked Online has this.

And, of course, we have to be very careful. I used to correct other people's spelling mistakes on the web when I commented. That is, until someone noticed that I had made some awful errors myself. OK I admit it, today I had to Spellcheck the word Hypocrisy.

Gourmet English: “Oh yes it is!” “Oh no it isn't!”

Gourmet English: “Oh yes it is!” “Oh no it isn't!”:

“Oh yes it is!” “Oh no it isn't!”

Contrasts. Painters do chiaroscuro - placing very dark colours against very bright ones. Or contrasting colours – yellow against purple, white against black, green against red. Sharp lines against curvy ones. It makes the painting more interesting and emphasises the difference.

Contrasts in writing work too.

Everyone knows how Agatha Christie always chose the most unlikely suspect as the murderer. And the Mousetrap is still selling – or giving – tickets away even in 2019. So I am afraid that I  cannot tell you who did it. 
She is careful to choose a group of contrasting people, too. Colonel Mustard sits with A lovely blonde bimbo. Mr Grumpy sits next to Lady Happiness. And so on. Even Hercule Poirot is a contrast – a Belgian with a silly moustache.
You can see that I am not a fan!

The Chinese knew about contrasts.

In the magnificent I Ching, male and female are contrasted in the form of broken and uninterrupted lines. Water, thunder, Beginning and end, Establishing the New; Falling away. Mystery leads to answer. The present foretells the future.
Initial six - Do not persist in the case - A little dispute - Ends in good fortune.
This all ties in with yesterday's post. In case you have forgotten, it goes something like this:

Pick a subject which everyone knows to be true and then point out the other side.

Spiked Online does this regularly and it makes very edgy copy.

Omar Khayyam – translated into exquisite verse by Edward Fitzgerald:

Awake! for Morning in the Bowl of Night

Has flung the Stone that puts the Stars to Flight:

And Lo! the Hunter of the East has caught

The Sultan's Turret in a Noose of Light.

He goes on through the work to advise the drinking of wine as the solution to all problems! This from a devout Muslim.

And, as the Cock crew, those who stood before

The Tavern shouted - 'Open then the Door!

You know how little while we have to stay,

And, once departed, may return no more.'

And he never explains why he does this.

And when like her, oh Saki, you shall pass

Among the Guests star-scatter'd on the Grass,

And in your joyous errand reach the spot

Where I made one - turn down an empty Glass!

You, the puzzled reader, have to understand…

Contrasts: Sometimes they work; sometimes they don't.

Gourmet English: That is Strange...

Gourmet English: That is Strange...:

That is Strange...

Did you know that Josef Stalin's wife committed suicide?
Did you know that Egyptian Christians still sing songs that were once sung to the Pharaoh?
Did you know that only 44% of Londoners are now white British?

All true.

The strange is a good way to get attention.

“Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this Prince of York.” What's that all about then, William?
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” What can Dickens mean?
“Bugger,” said the Duchess, as she pricked her finger on a rose bush. (Blame me for that one.)

Fill the gap at the top of the page with something strange.

Sales people know that to make a sale, you have to gain attention at the very start. If someone is on their phone, don't start until they have finished. If you are addressing a meeting, people have to give you their attention too.
When you open a book or start to read a blog, first impressions count!

Think of a cliché:

Angela Merkel is unattractive. Nazis are all horrible people.  President Trump! Yuck!

Now then:

Pope Benedict: a nice Nazi.

I like Climate Change! Five unknown facts about Good Old President Trump.

Angela Merkel goes naturist.
Strange but true...

Gourmet English: There are two sides to every question.

Gourmet English: There are two sides to every question.:

There are two sides to every question.

If you are a salesman (or woman) and do a presentation, make sure that you only list the good bits! Do not describe the disadvantages. Leave them for later. That is how you arouse the buyer's interest. 
And it is also how you can win an argument. There are two sides - you only talk about your own.

From e bay:

NEW LISTINGHonda CB1000R Tri Colour Low Miles Excellent Condition CB 1000 R MotorbikeHonda CB1000R. Crash Bungs. A very sought after colour combination. 8405 Miles. 2 Previous Owners.

And

NEW LISTINGCBR600RR 2005 RR5 LOWmiles 13kFor sale here is my 2005 Honda cbr600rr with super low miles 13k! Just over 13k miles. Barely run in! currently sorn’ed. No mot- but there’s no reason it would fail. Needs a good clean really. Mirror has paint flaking (may paint before sale - see pic).

Notice how the first bike looks far more attractive. The defects are all honestly noted on the second one, giving a probably false impression of a very unsure sale. The first one, however, is obviously worth a look.

On the other hand…

Sincerity. Understanding. Kindness.
All these words are very attractive. And at the end of the day, the salesman sells himself. If you show these three shining virtues in your argument, it becomes a lot more powerful.
If you show quite clearly that you understand the other person's point of view, together with all its advantages, its emotional appeal and the reasons for it being put forward, people will start to listen carefully when you outline your own reasons for not believing it.


Spiked on Line often sees the other side quite clearly:

There once was a time when the only person who called everyone remotely right-wing a ‘fascist’ or a ‘Nazi’ was Rick from The Young Ones – the ludicrous proto-woke student from that 1980s comedy. Now, everybody is at it.

At the weekend, the London mayor, Sadiq Khan, compared Donald Trump and his supporters to ‘the fascists of the 20th century’. On Tuesday, at a London rally in protest against Trump’s visit, one supporter of the US president was milkshaked and branded ‘Nazi scum’. At the same rally, Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn spoke of the ‘hatreds that are being fuelled by the far-right in Britain’. Elsewhere, the MP Anna Soubry has called Brexit supporters ‘fascists’.

Brexit Party leader Nigel Farage has for years been tarnished with these inaccurate, sensationalist and politically illiterate slurs: ‘fascist’, ‘far right’, ‘Nazi’, etc. This is a man (who) says he is pro-choice and wants some recreational drugs legalised. He has also been accused of wanting to privatise the NHS. In sum, he is an arch-libertarian – the very opposite of a fascist.

And if Trump is a fascist, then Obama was one too, being a president who started building a wall to keep out Mexicans and who bombed countless foreign countries. Indeed, ….

Ever played “Call of Duty?” A good soldier knows all about the enemy… Make sure you do too.

Gourmet English: Ad hominem

Gourmet English: Ad hominem:

Ad hominem.

President Trump wants to rape the English economy. He is just a big baby in a nappy. He sits on the toilet farting and texting rude messages (this from the statue during his state visit). When he says he doesn't see the protests, he is a proven liar. NHS workers scream at him because he is about to privatise the National Health Service...

All personal attack!
And it works!

Will Boris make a good PM? But Boris is immoral. He has just left his wife and gone off with a PR adviser. He also told lies when he was working in Fleet Street and he ordered the buses which cost too much. He made some really silly remarks when he was foreign secretary. So he is totally unsuitable for PM.

And so on. Politics is all about who: not about what.
Diane Abbott was always good for a laugh.
Jeremy Corbyn's antics are still good for scorn too. Then there is buggins and muggins and truggins standing for the leadership…

If you want to win an argument, go for the man not the ball!
Works every time!

There is just one problem.

While we are having fun on Twitter, the real issues are not faced up to. What will happen to the economy when we leave the EU without a settlement? 
Which economy do we want to join – USA or Europe? And what happens if we do? 
Why is a man like Donald Trump elected? What are the voters trying to tell us? 
What is really going on inside the EU which loves its secrecy?Who, for instance, is Frau von der Leyen and how was she chosen and on what grounds and by whom?


Adolf Hitler is always a good person to bring in. If you can't think of anything else, just shout that xxxxx is a Fascist.

 Ad hom - works every time!

Gourmet English: Post hoc, propter hoc.

Gourmet English: Post hoc, propter hoc.:

Post hoc, propter hoc.

It means, (thank you Google Translate) “After this, therefore this.” In other words, if one thing happens after another thing, then the first thing was caused by the second thing. If you, for example, catch a money spider, and then win the Euromillions jackpot, you connect the two and thank the money spider.

An example: The strange death of Dr David Kelly.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RSPBsyAB20
Lots of post hoc, propter hoc here!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRsgTHIsovc

Why was the Police investigation called Operation Mason? Masons keep secrets. Therefore there must be some cover up.Dr Kelly's body was discovered inside a tree circle. Therefore it was the secret worshippers who must have killed him and dragged his body there.A man said, “They do things up there”. He meant the woods where Dr Kelly's body was found. After he said this, it was obvious that Dr Kelly had been murdered.Dr Kelly wrote a letter the day before his death: “Many dark actors playing games.” Therefore he must have been murdered by a plot.

If you think about it, none of the above proves anything much.

Further examples:

My friend Mick went to a Muslim country where he stayed in a hotel. Pork was on the menu. He ate it. After eating the pork, he got terrible diarrhoea. That proves the pork was only on the menu to trick non Muslims…
If you pull a silly face and the wind changes, you will stay like that...
Conspiracy theories...
But, let us be truthful here.

Just because something happens after something else, it doesn't mean there is a cause.

This trick can easily be exposed for what it is: post hoc, propter hoc. But if it is used carefully, it can be slipped in.
Like this:

Sir John Scarlett was Chief of the British Secret Intelligence Service (MI6) from 2004 to 2009. Shortly after the death of Dr Kelly (17 July 2003), Scarlett was appointed a Knight Commander of the Order of St Michael and St George in the Queen's New Years Honours List 2007. (My example: just because the two events followed on, that does not mean they are related: it just can be made to look that way.)